OWN YOUR LIFE
I have to start at the beginning of my life to bring you to point when and how I found out how to Own My Life.
In 1958, I left college because my father had a heart attack and I did not want to be away from him. I was in college over 100 miles away. I found a job working in a research department of a local tobacco company.
I had just turned 21 and it was so much fun to go out every night with some friends. We danced and drank until 2:00 AM in the morning and got up and went to work the next day. We called this fun. Drinking gave me the self confidence that I lacked. This continued for several years.
I married when I was 28 and continued to drink. Keep in mind, I only drank after noon so I would not be called an alcoholic. I became pregnant with my first child and had her when I was 30. The drinking slowed down but never stopped. I still lacked self confidence, At 31, I had my second daughter and 34 had our last daughter. I was always looking for that feeling of worth but it would never come. I read self help books, prayed and tried so hard to find that feeling.
My husband was not a good support and I found myself always trying to please him and everyone that I came in contact. My feeling did not matter, it was everyone else feelings. I always put them first.
In one of the self help books, I read that I was in control of my own feelings. This helped me to see that no one else could really control me. Guess what, I still did not get it. The feelings continued.
My husband’s took us on the road. At first, I thought this was the thing to make me happy. It lasted only a short while and I was back in the lack of self confidence again. My husband became involved into an affair and this put me much lower in the gutter. I did everything I knew to please him but nothing worked. I was still drinking and more than before because I did not want to feel.
One day something snapped inside of me and I realized that alcohol was no answer and I had to take control for my girls. I had to grow up and be an adult.
I went to AA and found the 12 steps amd the Serenity Prayer. This prayer goes this way “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference” I asked the instructor how do you know the difference. His reply is “you cannot change other people, places or things”. Wow, what an awaking. I started following the 12 steps and saying the Serenity Prayer several times a day. This was my start. I was starting to find self worth in myself but I was a long way from owning my life.
My husband and I worked things out but I was now starting to control my own life and not have circumstances control it. This can be a slow process but you must keep looking forward.
I have been blind in my left eye since I was young and in 1984, I was having problem with my sight in my other eye. I went to the doctor when I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa which is a slow progressive disease that leads to legal or total blindness. If I had not had the 12 steps and the Serenity Prayer, I think I would have just fallen apart. I became more determine to control my own life. I was not going to let this blindness stop me.
I taught myself how to see with the touch of my fingers and finally using my white cane. The blind rehab has provided me with the tools that I need to write these articles and I feel like a sighted person when I am on my computer.
I have tried to only think positive thoughts and rid myself of any negative thoughts. Recently I found a group that has helped me to reinforce my positive thinking. They have a Mental Cleanse session that we all read a chapter in Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. We then do a lesson plan that makes our thoughts on the subject come alive. During the time you are doing this, you are asked to turn off the TV, radio and any negative thinking and let only your positive come alive in your mind. It really works, it allows you to clean out and evaluate all the negative thoughts that have been programmed in your mind since you were born. Not all thoughts are negative but most of your thoughts come from being programmed from others as we were growing up and how we perceived these thoughts. I have been in the Mental Cleanse for several months now and I can see now that I can own my life and it is the greatest feeling in the world.
We cannot be someone else, we can only be yourself so we must think our own thoughts not someone else thoughts. When we are in control of our self, then we can OWN OUR LIFE.
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